Story of the Cramped House
by Queen of Spatulas
Summary: written by my little brother, Yami Yoshi -who is trying to make an account... Anyway, the four heros of YYH live in a house with Lunar 2, Rurouni Kenshin, and Yu-Gi-Oh people! Kurama's a hippy and Yusuke is after "nuts". It's really funny tho. Rated becau


"The Story of The Cramped House"  
  
...not even the hampers are safe..  
  
written jointly by Goddess Shinko and Yami Yoshi  
  
Y. Yoshi: Hi! (says happily and so quickly you forgot what he said already) Are you still listening to me? I hope you're not. So you WANNA hear me say that I don't own the STUFF? You know, the stuff... that.... STUFF!  
  
Hiei: oh shut up.  
  
Y. Yoshi: Hey, I OWN YOU!  
  
Hiei: No you don't, YOSHIHIRO TAGASHI DOES!   
  
Y. Yoshi: OH SHIT! DAMMIT I KNEW I FORGOT SOMETHING!   
  
Shinko: Ahem, little brother, I don't think you own my stuff.  
  
Y. Yoshi: You're right, sis... I don't...  
  
Ronfar: You're always saving the day for us, Shinko.  
  
Y. Yoshi: I OWN YOU TOO RONFAR!  
  
Ronfar: Once again, the rumors of your intelligence are being proven wrong. We, the people of Lunar 2 belong to those hardworking dedicated people who work at Working Designs.   
  
Shinko: I'M GOING TO HURT YOU, YOSHI! ...what about the Sound Effect Man? HE'S MINE YOU FOOL! ...and so is all the people from Rurouni Kenshin!  
  
Kenshin: As nice as that may sound, Miss Shinko, I don't think that you own us. What about Nobuhiro-san?  
  
Shinko: ...yeah, but Kenshin, you're so cute and all...  
  
(Japanese lawyers appear)  
  
Japanese lawyers: We are here to massacre you! MUAHAHAHAHAH!   
  
Shinko and Y. Yoshi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!   
  
(blood splatters everywhere)  
  
Sound effect man: SPLAT!  
  
Scene goes to a very small house, not like a box or anything, but you know. A SMALL house that is really a house that is really SMALL!   
  
The Yu Yu Hakusho cast has turned into...  
  
Yusuke: rabid human out to get nuts  
  
Kuwabara: himself, the jack hole  
  
Hiei: over reacting turf defender   
  
Kurama: best selling author, who has a hippy side to him  
  
....and the rest of the cast is from Lunar 2, Rurouni Kenshin, Shinko's stories, and random places!  
  
(there is a man standing at the door knocking)  
  
Sound Effect Man: KNOCK KNOCK! (says like he's on something)  
  
Lucia: YO!!! INSPECTION TIME!! THE NEW LANDLORD IS HERE!  
  
Hiei: (from the attic) 'bout damn time. Fresh meat for the grinder.  
  
Jean: ...NOOOOOOOO! (FREAKS out really badly, crying)  
  
Hiei: SHUT UP WOMAN! (charges his hand with black energy without thinking) DRAGON OF THE DARKNESS FLAME!   
  
Jean: squeak! (is ashes on the wall)  
  
Sound Effect Man: BLECK!   
  
Kurama: (soothingly, with incense burning to relax Hiei) All right, Hiei, calm down. It's all right, you need to calm down. You need to control that anger.  
  
Kuwabara: I'm pretty sure that I heard a   
  
Sound Effect Man: Bleck! (reading the script, which is blank by the way)  
  
Kuwabara: was that a  
  
Sound Effect Man: BLECK, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! (throws script and hits Kuwabara in the nuts)  
  
Kuwabara: (acts like he's moaning, but can't make a sound)  
  
Sound Effect Man: YEAH BABY! YOU LIKE THAT DONTCHA? ...oh, man, that looked like it hurt! (laughs histarically)  
  
Ronfar: (bouncing on a weed trying to keep from falling)  
  
New Land Lord: Umm... is it safe to have so many people in the same house? (dodges a flying book from Leo in the bathroom. Book title: "How to control your Anger By: Kurama") I am here to inspect this living quarters... known as a house.  
  
Yusuke: You don't wanna come here! (punches Kuwabara in the nuts for making the Sound Effect Man angry. Thwaps Kuwabara on the head with the empty script book and then again kicks Kuwabara in the nuts for trying to come on his turf)  
  
Kuwabara: OWWWWWWW!  
  
Sound Effect Man: HELL YEAH, YUSUKE BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF THAT F**KER! YEAH! GO YUSUKE! (has out pompoms and cheering Yusuke on)  
  
Ghaleon: As long as you stay off my turf, I'm fine.  
  
Hiro: awwwwww, you sexy elf! I LOVE YOU!  
  
Ghaleon: leave me ALONE YOU GAY F**KER! (throws copy of "How to Control your sympathy" by Kurama at Hiro to scare him)  
  
Sound Effect Man: eeep! (is reading another copy of the script, but it's written in Japanese and he can't read it)  
  
New Land Lord: CAN WE FIRE THAT GUY?  
  
Kuwabara: Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y.....  
  
Yusuke: (punches Kuwabara's nuts again) NO OLD FAG!  
  
New Land Lord: I might be a fag, but who you calling OLD? You ONE TRICK PONY!  
  
Everyone but Yusuke and New Land Lord: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Sound Effect Man: swap! Thomp! Thump! BOOOOOOM!  
  
New Land Lord: And that's my atomic... wine blast... (exausted)  
  
Yusuke: (lying in a puddle of blood his own by the way on top of a copy of "How to control your kindness by Kurama")  
  
New Land Lord: I am Yami Yoshi, and I get your kitchen. Keep that in mind.  
  
Mauri: DAMN I HAVE TO MOVE OUT OF THE KITCHEN! (throws a copy of "How to Control your Mood Swings by Kurama" at the Yami Yoshi)  
  
Lucia: Does that mean you came from a golden item?  
  
Y. Yoshi: I didn't know you were that smart.  
  
Lucia: Oh, I watch anime. So what one did you come from, sir?  
  
Y. Yoshi: The Millennium Goblet!  
  
(Suddenly a man with fluffy white hair slams against a window)   
  
Fluffy White Haird Man: YAMI YOSHI GIVE ME THAT ITEM!  
  
(then a woman shows up and scoops up the white headed man and puts him in a straight jacket)  
  
Woman: Hey Yoshi!  
  
Y. Yoshi: Yo, Shinko! Yami Bakura hears anything about an item these days and he's whacked.  
  
Shinko: I know. Poor, poor Bakura... (takes Bakura away over to the house next door) Hey, I'll take Leo, Ronfar, and Ghaleon to my house!  
  
Hiro: NOOOOOO MY SEXY ELF! (throws a copy of "How to Control Your Depression By Kurama" at Shinko, but Shinko uses her sword to cut it in half mid-flight)  
  
Kurama: YOU KILLED MY BOOK! That's a best seller, I'll have you know. I'm the best self-help writer to ever live!   
  
Sound Effect Man: Riiiiiiight. (reading a copy of "How to Control your Sarcasm By Kurama" since he can't read Japanese and this book was released in English due to no one in Japan wanted it)  
  
Shinko: (takes Leo, Ghaleon, and Ronfar over to her house) Well, boys, you'll be living with me in the house that Squad B occupies.   
  
Y. Bakura: That place is an asylum for who she calls "Bishonen!" humph!   
  
Y. Yoshi: (enters HIS house to find an empty chair where Ghaleon sat, an empty bathroom where Leo roamed, and an empty corner with no need where Ronfar used to always try to balance so he would not be killed by the nearby Hiro, reading "How to Control your Gay Lust for an Enemy of Your Planet By Kurama") Well, I see Mauri is sitting on the window sill. That is good. Lucia, you do a great job!  
  
Lucia: Thanks! (hits her head on the door not knowing it and landing on a copy of "How to Control Your Idiocy By Kurama") That hurt!  
  
Kurama: (in his portion of the attic, meditating to control all of his problems with incense burning and new age music playing while flying on the astral plane in his mind) Hmmm.... Hiei, are you sure that you are all right?  
  
Hiei: I'm fine right now. I think I'm beginning to see someone who brings a new light to this place, Kurama. (smiles, A/N a rarity, you should know)   
  
Y. Yoshi: (goes into the kitchen and makes himself a sandwich) OHH yeah! Check this out!! I GOT FOOD!! I BET NONE OF YA'LL HAVE GOT THIS!  
  
Kurama: Hold the Mayo, Yami Yoshi.   
  
Yami Yoshi: THIS IS MINE YOU HIPPY! (runs back into kitchen, sitting on top of a copy of "How to Control Your Hunger By Kurama") DAMN BOOK! (throws the book through the celeing to hit Kurama's radio and incense burner)  
  
Kurama: (very pissed, to say the least) HOW DARE YOU FREAK RUIN MY MEDITATION CHAMBER!  
  
Hiei: (simply) follow your own advice, MR. SELF HELP!  
  
Kurama: Oh, well you think you're so awesome with your darkness dragon? All right!!! (gets out his rose and transforms it into the whip like he always does) ROSE STORM!! (all sorts of roses and rose petals fill the room and Hiei just laughs)  
  
Hiro: IT'S CHRISTMAS!!! WE NEED A MISTLE TOE! (stars to put up a tree, but it's blown up by Hiei's Dragon Darkness move and it fries him)  
  
Kurama: CALM DOWN HIEI! Quit frying the residents. There won't be a second chapter if you kill everyone but us and the landlord you mangy DEMON!  
  
Sound Effect Man: RING RING YOUR PHONE'S RINGING!  
  
(every person comes to answer the phone but Yami yoshi uses his mallet to whomp everyone on the head and they pass out)  
  
Yami Yoshi: hello?  
  
Voice: ....I want.... To kill.... You....  
  
Yami Yoshi: IS THAT YOU SHINKO?!  
  
Shinko: umm, no. It's YOUKO!  
  
Yami Yoshi: YOU DON'T SOUND ANYTHING LIKE HIM!  
  
Shinko: don't make your big sister come over there and get you. I'm youko! You're right about the caller ID since I moved over here, but Kurama needs a life!   
  
Yami Yoshi: WE destroyed his current one as a hippy.  
  
Shinko: What is he now?  
  
Yami Yoshi: He's himself now.  
  
Shinko: DAMMIT! I must adopt him to my house!  
  
Yami Yoshi: Hell no, sis. Kurama pays all the rent by selling his crappy books.  
  
Ghaleon's voice: Shinko who ya talking to?  
  
Shinko: I'm adopting a new bishonen, that's all.   
  
Ghaleon's voice: I don't want Hiro.  
  
Hiro: (wakes up) IT'S MY SEXY ELF ON THE PHONE!  
  
Yami Yoshi: (uses mallet again and Hiro passes out again)  
  
Hiro: x_x  
  
Kenshin's voice: Shinko!!!! Your laundry is done!!!  
  
Sound Effect man: DO MY LAUNDRY!!  
  
Kenshin's voice: NOOOO! Do your OWN laundry. I don't do laundry from the men in the Sekihotai!   
  
Sound Effect Man: I'M NOT CAPTAIN SAGARA!  
  
Sanosuke's voice: IT'S CAPTAIN SAGARA!  
  
(Random Sekithotai ghosts appear)  
  
Ghost 1: captain.... We have found you...  
  
Sound Effect Man: uhh, hi! (shakes head in fake wonder) Back away... back away... (starts to turn around and run but Sanosuke jumps on him)  
  
Sanosuke: I FOUND YOU CAPTAIN! I MISSED YOU DADDY!  
  
Sound Effect Man: Sano, I'm not your father... (pulls out lightsaber)  
  
Sanosuke: (also pulls out lightsaber) Then who the hell are you?  
  
Sound Effect Man: Damn it! I'm your hero, your role model, and the man who wants the Battousai to do his laundry.  
  
Sano and Sound Effect Man: IT'S TIME TO DUEL!   
  
Kurama: It's my favorite show! Yu-Gi-Oh! (watches from the window)  
  
Sano: (puts the lightsaber away and calls out a pair of duel disks) All right, Sound Effect Man, prepare to face up to my deck!  
  
Kenshin, Bakura, and Shinko: Believe in the Heart of the Cards!   
  
Sound Effect Man: Let's Duel!  
  
Sano: (thinks) Dammit, I can't win with cards like this. (has "Kaoru", "Yahiko", and "Shishio" monster cards and "Kamiya Kashin" and "Reversed Blade Sword" magic cards) The only way for me to win is if I draw the "Kenshin" card! But can I do it?  
  
Sound Effect Man: Prepare to face up with this! I summon the monster "Togoro"!   
  
Togoro monster: (appears with 9999 ATK and 9999 DEF)   
  
Sano: OH SHIT!  
  
Shinko: this isn't Yu-Gi-Oh! IT'S Sa-No-Oh!   
  
Kurama: Well, that sure is a spin off. (closes the windows)  
  
Hiei: No kidding.  
  
Shinko: Damn, let's go watch Rurouni Kaiba.  
  
Ronfar, Leo, and Ghaleon: Okay!  
  
Sano: What the hell?   
  
Y. Yoshi: Ha ha ha ha... This is as bad as the time I sat down to play Yu-Gi-Oh with my sister... of course she's in Sano's place! (eats sandwich)  
  
Mauri: I don't want to sit on the window sill any more.  
  
Hiro: I miss my sexy elf!  
  
Lucia: I'm tired of being the door!  
  
Y. Yoshi: STOP COMPLAINING!  
  
Lucia: We're going on strike.  
  
Hiro: Like Yeah.  
  
Mauri: Lemina's a dirty hoe.  
  
Lemina: I'M NOT A STUPID LAWN TOOL!  
  
Hiro, Lucia, Mauri and Y. Yoshi: (sweatdrop)  
  
Y. Yoshi: get outside and go dig a HOE!  
  
Hiro: and make sure to get the HOE part of it!  
  
Mauri: How many HOE'S does it take to make a yard?  
  
Lemina: (goes outside and starts to claw at the ground) Damn. From a door stop to a lawn tool. (finds "How to do dig Hoes in five minutes By Kurama") Oh, yay. My favorite book.   
  
THE END!  
  
Y. Yoshi: The end of my first fic, first chapter here on this site.  
  
Shinko: Typed by me... and my KENSHIN PLUSHIE!! (flashes Kenshin Plushie and it's little Reversed blade sword)   
  
Y. Yoshi: I'M GONNA KILL IT!  
  
Shinko: HITOMISTURUGI STYLE RYOUSHENSEN! (uses plushie to beat up on Y. Yoshi, until he puts it into the gillotine)  
  
Yami Yoshi: PAY THE RANDSOM!  
  
Credits:  
  
Kurama- author  
  
Hiei- killer  
  
Yusuke- nut smasher  
  
Kuwabara- no use at all!  
  
Kenshin- laundry  
  
Sound Effect Man- ??? does sound effects, we guess...  
  
Shinko- typist, co-author, and Bishonen house owner  
  
Y. Yoshi- original author, owner of cramped house 


End file.
